The story was about a guy named Brad who is a supervisor at a hotel. He manages the events that go on in the hotel. He is also seeing a girl that he works with who doesn’t seem to like him very much while they are at work. That night they are hosting a sorority party with 900 guests and Brad seems to be pretty nervous about it. In the end the guests of the event turn out to be entirely too rowdy, and Brad has to shut everything down. It ends with Alyson waiting on Brad basically telling him he is a prick at work, but that he is a responsible prick. I am not exactly sure how the character changed. The entire story is about this guy being a supervisor and having all this responsibility when really he wants to be like every other college student, but in the end I am not exactly sure how he changed at all.
I like the general idea of the story. I feel like you have a good amount of conflict in the story, just the change of the protagonist was unclear to me. Also, I liked your dialogue. While there are a few errors throughout the dialogue, I feel like it was done well and that the conversations sounded realistic. I also liked your descriptions of the people coming in for the event.
The main thing the story needs is an obvious change in the character. I feel like you could have him quit his job and try to live like other college kids do, but that change would be expected. I am not exactly sure what you could do to make this character change in a way that the readers wouldn’t expect, but I feel like that is really what the story needs. Also, as I said I feel like your dialogue is realistic, I was confused in a few parts where I thought the same person was speaking, but a new line with a indention started which would indicate a new speaker. I could just be reading the story wrong, but there were a few places that the dialogue lost me.
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