Response to Jessica

            The story was about a girl named Lindsey who has never met her dad. Her dad is a major league baseball player now, and even though she has watched one of his college games over and over, she wants to go see him play major league in person. Lindsey ends up getting tickets and going to the game, thinking she is tricking her mom into thinking she is really going to the lack with a friend. As she approaches the game she sees her dad warming up, however after that she does not see him again. At the end a security guard takes her down to wait for him outside the locker room, but she is disappointed again. When she returns to her car she sees that there is a piece of paper on it. The note is from her father. He said that Lindsey’s mother had called and told him she would be coming, but that he wanted to meet her while her mother was around. Lindsey seemed to have made the change from just wanting to see her father in person to actually being hopeful at the prospect that she might be able to meet him. In the beginning all she wants to do is see him in person, and in the end she is left with the hope that she will actually get to have a relationship with the father she never knew.

            I liked the story. I enjoyed your descriptions because they were very vivid so it was easy to imagine exactly what Lindsey was seeing. I also liked how the story went against my expectations. When I first started reading it I expected it to be a story about an athlete that maybe got hurt or something else happened and he ended up changing. I did not see the aspect of a daughter watching the father she’d never met some into play. I also liked how the mother seemed to know what the daughter was really up to. I expected the ending to be that Lindsey would finally give up hope on ever seeing her father, so the ending didn’t do what I expected either. I think you did a good job with this story.

            I really only have minor details that could be changed. There were a few grammatical errors and things of that nature, but I don’t have any huge ideas for changing the story. I enjoyed it.