Response to Nate

            The story was about a boy who seemed to have gotten in trouble with alcohol, and as a result he ended up having to do community service. His community services included working at night on the beach to find turtle nests and cover them so that the turtles could get out and the raccoons couldn’t get to them. One night when he was digging a hole he discovered a box. He and the guy he worked with, John, opened the box and found gold. The two were planning on what to do with their newfound fortune when John admitted that it was a scam. The protagonist was once again disappointed with his summer and only looked forward to the end of it.

            I wasn’t exactly sure how the character changed because he seems to have a bad view from beginning to end. He starts off the summer in a less than ideal way, and when he thinks things are looking up for him, it all goes to hell again. Therefore, I don’t really see how his outlook has changed, or how he has changed for that matter. However I could be reading the entire thing wrong. Sometimes I don’t pick up on subtle changes like others in the class do. Also, there were a few problems with your dialogue. You didn’t indent when there were new speakers, and you punctuated some parts of the dialogue, but left out punctuation on other parts.

            I feel like you have a really and unique story working for you here. At first when I read that the two had found the treasure chest I was thinking of a cliché ending where the gold is found and either someone steals it, or the characters do something with it. Honestly I don’t really know where you were headed with this story but I had an idea that would involve changing a lot of it. My thought was that you could have this kid do the same community service and develop a love for trying to save the sea turtles. Then, when they find the gold it turns out to be real, and instead of the character using it selfishly, he could use it to help save the sea turtles. It may sound kind of like a cheesy story, but I was just going to throw an idea out there.