The story is about a boy at the age of fifteen who has a crush on a girl from his high school. Ashlyn drives him home from school every day and when she hits his driveway there are a bunch of holes. He decides to fix them to make an impression and show her he has a strong work ethic to make up for his being younger. At first I thought the story was about him changing and acquiring a work ethic he didn’t have before, but after he messes up and gets his dad to help him it seems as if he gave up. So then I started to wonder if the character’s changed occurred with him and his dad. If that was supposed to be the change then I would like to see more interaction between him and his father.
In addition to not really knowing what the story is about I wasn’t really sure about some of the dialogue either. Ashlyn seems to use the word dude a lot and it didn’t really seem natural to me. It might be the location they are at, but it still just didn’t work for me. Also, if the story is about his changing because of Ashlyn then I would like to see more scenes of the two of them interacting. We get a brief scene that shows that she is hesitant to do anything with him because of his age, so if this is the cause of the change then seeing more interaction between the two would give us a better reason for understanding why he would change for her.
I liked the story and the ideas behind it. If it’s a story about the boy and his father, or the boy and the girl it doesn’t matter because the idea behind it is a good one. I felt like you did a really good job of showing us and not telling us in certain parts too. I could really visualize the driveway and the scene where the boy gets in the wreck. I thought both of those were described really well.
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