This story was about Everette growing up with his mom away and in the military, and him growing up with his grandmother. He gives many instances in which he enjoyed growing up with his grandmother and how much he enjoyed it, even though he still missed his mom. He also talks about his passion for running track, which became a big part of his life.
I like the little moments he talks about with his grandmother, but I think the most interesting parts were when he talked about running. I felt like that is what he was most passionate about and it shows on the paper. Maybe he could focus more on talking about running and less on the back story. I think the back story is important, but he could condense it down a little, and give more detail about running. A particular part I really enjoyed was going on the trip with the fat chaperons, it was a funny image but I would like to know more about that. Why were they the chaperons?
I liked the story, however there were a lot of mistakes. There were capitalization errors, punctuation errors, and grammar errors. That was really the main problem with the story. Because there were so many errors, it was difficult to concentrate on the actual story and what it was about. I think the story about running track should be expanded as well. I think he shows that running track is a big part of his life, and had a major part in making him who he is today. As i said before, the back story is important but it could be more of a summary and then that would give plenty of room to expand the track part of it, and make those parts into scenes.
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