The story is about a kid who seems to be going down the wrong path, a troublemaker of sorts. He seems to enjoy stealing things and breaking the law because it is a rush for him. He also has a girlfriend named Jenny who is more of a goody-goody, but that is what he likes about her. He is attracted to her innocence. When he ends up stealing a jacket for her, she gets upset with him and their relationship gets a little rocky. Later in the story the boy’s sister dies, and in an attempt to reconnect with him, Jenny steals a pair of earrings and brags about them to her boyfriend. In the end he is sort of sick at the influence he has given Jenny and he just wants her to be herself again.
I liked the story, I thought it was original and it was not at all what I expected. When I saw that there was a relationship involved I was waiting for a sappy romance, but the story line was different and was a pleasant surprise. I also liked how, in the end, Jenny was the one who changed for the worse. I kind of expected the character and Jenny to have some sort of a “come to Jesus” meeting where she tries to put him on the right path. I liked that she tried to go bad for him and because she is following in his footsteps it makes him sick. He wants to keep her innocence because that is what attracted him to her in the first place.
I had a few ideas for the story. I would have liked to see more dialogue. I didn’t feel like there was any in the story at all. I feel like if you added more dialogue it would help us connect with the characters a little more, and make them more real rather than flat. Also, the character seemed to be really upset at his sister’s death and we really didn’t get to see his relationship with her, which causes us not to care very much about that particular instance. I feel like you have a great story here and a lot to work with.
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