Response to Jessica

            The story was about a girl, Andy, who seems to be a bit ADD and is trying to write a story that is due for her class the next day. In the story she basically continues to put off writing telling herself she will begin in a minute. She gives a vague description of what had happened to her earlier in the day, and then her friend, Baylor, comes out of Andy’s room to get some Nyquil because she isn’t feeling well, and she calls Andy out on her procrastination. In the end, Andy ends up writing a story an hour before it is due. The story is about a girl writing about her inability to write.

            I think that you have a nice voice on paper. Your words are great, and I was genuinely interested in finding out what this girl would write about, which is interesting because normally I don’t think I would be so interested but your writing drew me in. I also liked the irony in the fact that your main character was writing, while your story is actually for a creative writing class, and most of us have complained about not knowing what to write about. I thought that was very clever.

            The thing that I was a little confused about was the character’s change. I know that she ends up finishing her story, but I wasn’t really sure what that did to make her change. I also kind of wanted there to be more action in the story. The problems we have are Andy’s inability to write a story, and her thinking about how her roommate was annoying her earlier in the day. There just was not a lot of action during the story. I’ve thought about a few things that could be done, which are just suggestions and may not be ones that you like at all, but I thought maybe one thing you could do would be to have Andy and her roommate get into a fight earlier in the day and then Andy could write a story about a very over dramatic girl. It would bring more conflict to the story, but I’m not sure how the character could change. I’m not very good at suggestions because I never really know what the writer wants to get across on the page, but basically I think there should be a little more conflict, and the change of Andy needs to be more apparent.

Response to Cole

            The story was about a guy who was overweight and had just been reunited with two of his old friends who are in much better shape than he. Sean and James offer to help the main character by working out with him so that he can get in shape. As they begin to run 8 laps, with push-ups/ sit-ups in between, the main character begins to struggle through the workout. He doesn’t feel like her can breathe and he eventually makes it to the end of a lap where he finds his friend, James, unable to breath or make out words. He calls his other friend Sean, the doctor, over to his side to help figure out what is wrong with James and then the story ends with the 911 call and Sean telling the main character what is wrong with James.

            I was not exactly sure how the main character changed because the story just sort of ends. It sort of felt like the story was almost changing to James becoming the focus in the end. I guess the main thing for me is that the story just felt unfinished. It was an entertaining read and then I felt like I was left hanging, asking myself ok what comes next? I think that you have a great story going, it just needs to keep going. The end didn’t really feel like the end, so I want to know more.

            I really liked how you had the main character naming cities and other things to get himself through the laps, I thought that was vey creative. I also liked the juxtaposition of the main character with the other two characters. He doesn’t seem like he should be hanging out with Sean and James, they all just seem so different. I got that through the little details like the Beastie Boys t-shirt, which I thought was a nice little detail. I really enjoy your writing, I think you have a nice voice and your story is interesting so far. Like I said before, the only thing I really wanted was the rest of your story. You have a nice set up now give us more.

Response to Once in a Lifetime

The story was about a family of three who had friends coming back from India and needed to stay with them for a while until they could find a house of there own to live in. The family that lived in america consisted of a mother, a father, and a daughter. The new family arriving was the same except they had a son. The two families were old friends but the ones coming back from India had changed quite a bit and Hema didn't seem to mind as much as her parents did. The new family live more of an expensive lifestyle. Later we find out the reason for the return is that the mother has cancer and is dying. The little boy tells Hema this and she is devastated by the news but for many different reasons. In the end the two families drift apart again, and the mother of the little boy dies, Hema however does not regret for one second that the family came to live with them. She fell in love with the little boy.
The story was not my favorite probably because it lacked action that I usually crave from stories. It was well written, and I felt like I could picture most of the things that went on, but it still just wasn't my favorite.    I kind of wish that it would have ended in a different way, like maybe with the two kids ending up together, or even the families coming together in a time of need, however that would probably make it more of a typical story. I think Hema learned a lot from the family that came to live with him and I think she was the character who was changed the most in the story. Her parents were set in there own ways, and we don't really get to see much about the other family except for the fact that the mother dies.
I found it interesting to glimpse into a different lifestyle, however I could't really understand everything, especially the cooking, because I don't know anything about India or the people's lifestyle. Overall the story was ok to read, but I prefer to read stories with a little more action.

Response to Cary

            The story was about a boy named Cyril who seems to have some sort of mental disability. He lives close to some girls that he likes and he sort of creeps on them. The girl catches him in her room and throws him out when she finds him reading her diary and tells him not to come back or she will call the cops. He doesn’t seem to understand why the girls who live there don’t like him because his father has always told him he is better because he is different. He then continues to Captain D’s, which he always does, because he is friends with the owner and he gets fish sandwiches that he shares with a stray cat he calls Jimmy-cat. After he has eaten his friend tells Cyril to get Jimmy cat because he will cook the cat his own fish patty. When Cyril approaches the dumpster area that Jimmy-cat live in he finds the cat in the corner covered in what looks like ketchup and little white things that are crawling. He then gets Earl, his friend, and Earl tells Cyril that Jimmy-cat is a girl and that those are kittens crawling on her. This makes Cyril very happy and the story ends with Earl and him laughing together.

            I really liked this story because I definitely have a soft spot for people with disabilities as well as kittens. I also loved the list in the diary Cyril was reading. I thought the things on the list were so funny as well as creative. I also really liked the ending because it tricked me. When I read that the cat was covered in red stuff and crawling white things I thought the cat was dead and that maggots or something were on it, therefore I was very happy to find out that the cat was not dead it had kittens and I didn’t understand because we see the story through Cyril’s eyes and he doesn’t understand. I liked the kitten ending a lot because I am a sucker for cats and I probably would have cried if the cat had been dead. I also liked the ending because you can tell that Cyril has become genuinely happy, whereas before he just seemed to question everything.

            The only thing I would suggest really would be to add more to the end. I wanted to see how Cyril would’ve interacted with the new kittens. I understand you were just setting him up for the change, but I found myself really wanting to go through the change with him and see how he interacts with the new kittens through his eyes. 

Response to Rhamah

            The story was about a girl who works at some sort of a rescue clinic for cats. She seems to really enjoy being around the cats even though she can’t stand the awful smell and she apparently thinks the other woman she works with is weird. She has a few favorite cats in particular, but she really comes across as if she cares about all of them. At one point in the story a family comes in to try and adopt a cat but they end up leaving because of all of the hair that cats shed, and the wife didn’t really seem to want to deal with the clean up. Also, the main character didn’t seem to think the family would really care for the cat in the end anyway. Later a boy comes in who is also looking for a cat. He has recently lost a cat and he wants to bring one back because his dog and little sister are really sad that the other cat died. She picks out one of her favorite cats for him in particular, but the cat ends up trying to hurt the boy when he sticks his fingers in the cage.  After that the story really ends. I was a little confused throughout the entire story because I wasn’t sure whom it was about. It seemed to be about the girl who worked at the shelter but in the end I don’t understand her change.

            I liked the descriptions of the smells and of the cats, I felt like I could see them and I felt as if I could imagine the shelter. However, I’m not exactly sure what the story is about. I’m not sure if maybe I’m missing some sort of underlying message or what but I was really confused at the end of it. It was unclear to me who the story was really about, because I felt like it was all about the cats instead of a person in particular.  However, if it is supposed to be about the girl who works at the shelter then I feel that we need more details about her and how the cats and the families who come in affect her.

Response to Laurel

            The story was about a girl who was very quiet and introverted in high school, as well as not very popular. After high school she wanted to change. She turned into a very extroverted girl who ditched all of her real friends because she thought they were too nerdy for her. As the girl becomes more and more different from the girl she was in high school she becomes cocky and overconfident. She thinks she is irresistibly beautiful and automatically assumes that everyone is looking at her. She thinks every boy wants her and every girl envies her. In the end, she makes an attempt to hit on a few guys in her apartment complex and gets rejected once again, after others had rejected her all day. She finally realized that she would never be what she was trying to be so she reconnects with one of her friends from high school, one of her true friends.

            I liked the story and I thought it was definitely a relatable story because I think a lot of people look at college as a way to redefine their selves and start over if they didn’t like who they were in high school. I also liked the way you portrayed the main character. Her selfishness came through quite well on the page and I could kind of humanize her with people that I know that reminded me of her. I can think of a few girls I know who think everyone wants to be with them or be them so I felt like a lot of people could humanize the character.

            The main thing that was unclear to me was why people kept blowing the girl off. It seemed as if the people she tried to hang out with didn’t really know her, which made it unclear as to why they would avoid her if they really didn’t know her. I was also a little confused because she refers to Carly as a best friend when it seems they only really bonded that one time in the library when they were looking for articles.  Also, I was a little confused as to why the boys in the apartment were making fun of her if that was the first time she was really meeting them. The main thing I would change would be to give the audience a better sense of why everyone would avoid her if they didn’t really know her.