Response to Jeremy Hare

                I think that the story is about a character named Sora, a boy who had a bit of a rough childhood with some of the other kids in school. At some point during the time he was bullied he met a guy that was capatain of the karate team, Ryu, and refused to help Sora with his problems. However, Ryu promised Sora that the day he could beat Ryu that he would teach Sora how to defend himself as well as to be the strongest in the club. The overall feel of the story seems to be never give up no matter how many people tell you that you can’t do something. He even has the co-captain Hikara telling him to give up because she thinks that Sora will never be able to beat the captain, but no matter what, every day Sora keeps trying.

                I thought it was a good idea for a short story and I liked what seemed to me to be the overall theme of the piece. I also like the fact that it was very original because I have never really read a story like this before. There wasn’t much detail about Karate in the story which I found to be a good thing because most people have a general understanding of what Karate involves, so sifting through all the explanations I feel like would have made the story hard to read, so good job on that. Also, you threw in the internal thought in the paper well. A lot of new writers don’t really know how to write internal thoughts, so that fact that you knew to add those in italics was definitely a plus because other people who put asides in quotes make it difficult to understand if a person is actually speaking or if they are just saying something to themselves. I also liked very mush how you ended the story.

                A few ideas that I might suggest for this piece is maybe to develop Sora and Hyu’s relationship a little bit further. I would have liked to hear a little bit more about the background of the two and what happened for them to make this promise. I understood the general point but I would have like to have gotten more about it. There also seems to be a few places where you repeat words a lot which is really no big deal, just something to think about.  The main thing about this piece is that I just want more. Overall though, I think you had a very original idea and I liked it.